Mariners deliver thrilling 1-0 shutout victory of Athletics
And they were lead by a dominant Erasmoramirez who strucked out 10 Athletics in 8 innings of shutout baseball which is his greatest start as a major league baseball player in all of his major league career and Tom Wilhelminason pitched another perfect game in the 9th inning which is becoming quite a regular thing for him to do.
And the hitters had 7 hits which is way more than twice as many hits as the Athletics had and Jesus Montero lead the hitters with 2 patiently destructive singles and many other hitters had one hit.
And the game winning hit and run batting in was hit by… I forget and need to check the box score real quick…….
who the hell is Seph Smith and when did the Mariners get him? WAIT a minute this is…it cant be right and now I’ve written too much to go back and change it and just…
Mariners hit 4 homers to defeat Athletics
The Mariners hit four homers today and two were even WHOLE ALL THE WAY HOMERS and its really nice to see Mariner DH Justin Smoak getting one of those witch is his first in a few games and Brendan Ryan got the other one and it is also his first in a few games but more long ago games than Justin Smoak and Mariner DHs Ichiro and Seager continued there good and on fireness starts by hitting one half homer each and Ichiro had two hit balls total that went wear the Athletics didnt get them in time and the bad cheater guy with glasses on the Athletics must have used his time manipulation powers to square up Beavans ball and hit it for a homer and make the game close for 3 or 4 minutes witch wasnt fair because MLB players arent supposed to use there superpowers in games but Oakland loves to cheat but it didnt work out today and Ichiro would probably get a hit everytime if he was allowed to use his superpowers like glasses guy did today.
Beavan pitched balls really swellily today but not as good as Noesi yesterday but still pretty good and he really cares about his teammates and especially the bullpen because he went 7 innings because he wanted them to not have to work too long because the sun was out and it could have gotten hot so Tom Wilhelminason and Brandon League only had to work one kind of short kind of perfect inning each to secure the win and everyone else in the pitching hole got a day off thanks to Beavans selflesslessness.
Athletics Colon blackmails Mariners and forces them to lose
Because that is the only way this outcome was possible and its the second time Colon has “beaten” the Mariners and holy only playing the Mariners Colon are you too scared to play other teams because you dont have anything to blackmail other teams with because you have played the Mariners 3 times THREE TIMES already and there is no way you beat Felix last night unless the Mariners had to let you win or you would do something to hurt them because the Mariners only DH hits were from Ichiro and Ackley and Montero and they hit no HOMERS witch is only possible if they were trying to not hit homers because Colon is a big cheating law breaker who maybe doesnt know that it is illegal to blackmail people but I cant even think of what the dirt he has on the Mariners because they are good and pure so it must be something that they want to try and hide that isnt that bad but they know it will hurt us so they are trying to protect us.
Poor Felix hasnt gotten all of the juice yet out of his 6th pitch and he had to throw it a bunch tonight to try and lose to protect us because it isnt ready and he figured he would practice it because the Athletics had to win but next time he wont have to play slowerly so he can pitch dominantly like we are used to and like how he wants to.
Conjoined twins as market efficiency
I wonder if there are any Mariners that are conjoined twins (but not Siamese twins because Siam doesnt exist anymore) like if they have an extra baby head hidden under there uniform or they absorbed there twin a long time ago into there own body but the twin is still kind of alive and sentient in there because I think if two people cross home plate you should get two runs and not just one because thats how baseball works and its not fair to penalize conjoined twins because they are two separate people and I think we should check all the Mariners for extra baby heads so we can score more runs but not tell the rest of baseball till after we get a bunch of extra runs and we probably could have won that game this morning against the Athletics if there were some extra baby heads disclosed.
No way does Bart Colon 3 hit defeat the Mariners without cheating
This game was almost all cheating by the Athletics and especially Bart Colon and his knew friend Yoeenis Cespedes because we all see Yoeenis striking out like crazy all morningnight yesterday and today he hits a homer which doesnt make sense except for with cheating and Bart was able to fool everyone and the umpires by cheating his pitches all over except for Jutsin Smoak who blasted a huge bomb off of Colon which was the only just and fair thing to happen in most of the whole game.
Jason Vargas was acing his way through the Athletics but then Wedge took him out and all of the Mariner relievers got cheated by the A hitters cause they started hitting homers and I know it was cheating because each Mariner pitcher gave up exactly one run which is too weird to be just a little coincidence like they thought we wouldnt even notice how unlikely that is and the Mariners put Carlos Peguero on the team but then they dont play him AND IF HE PLAYED THEY WOULD HAVE WON BECAUSE THEY NEEDED MORE HOMERS.
Ichiro leads Mariners to soul crushing slow domination win over Athletics
We have been saying all season here that Ichiro is most likely going to be one of the most all time greatest number 3 hitters in all of history of baseball and will have a MVP season and in the first all the way real and not half real game against the Athletics Ichiro was compleatly dominant with 4 of the hits and some of them were the dominant infield hits that we know him for witch are so crushing for the opponent because they think “Oh he hit the ball on the ground and our mens have it and now we will throw to a base to get Ichiro out BUT OH MY GOD HE IS ALMOST MAKING IT TO FIRST BASE AND WE HAVENT THROWED THE BALL YET” and then he makes it to first base and his friend Dustin Ackley HIT A LASER BOMB that took much less then 10 seconds to get out to the ravenous fans of Japan and to go 400 or so average people feet of distance in less than 10 seconds is probably travelling hundreds of miles or kilomeeters per hour which is like what lasers do and then Ackley gave the Mariners another run for like the insurance in the 11th inning and is hitting .400 which was what that fighter pilot Ace guy whose head is frozen now hit whe he became he one of the greatest ever and Ichiro is hitting double .400 so he is probably twice as good as fighter pilot frozen head guy.
And the pitching oh my Felix was durn good and only gave up one of the hit runs but thats only because the As had to cheat at swinging at the balls Felix through too early which is not allowed but they are known cheaters and if they had to wait till they were supposed to swing like the Mariners Felix would have had a perfect game but he did have 6 of the strikeouts and no walks and Wilhelminason and League were even more dominating to the sad cows than Felix and shut them down and only a few As like there new Cuban and old Japanese guy got 1/2 homers and the Cuban guy also cheated and jumped in front of a Felix pitch to get a free 1st base walk because he was mad that Felix strucked him out earlier with many of the balls that they call breaking and Brendan Ryan cant be forgotten for his heroic double that basically won the game and everyone likes him even all the fans from other teams.
Hanshin scores 8 runs in the first 4 innings against the Athletics
The game is still ongoing but Hanshin is clearly a powerhouse in all of the world of baseball able to do damage to any number of Major League Baseball teams and the Athletics have given up almost two times more scoring runs than the Mariners did so the Mariners clearly ran into a super power tool like a table saw or maybe even a mechanical ravenous tiger because Hanshins nickname is the Tigers and Japan is known for making robots so it makes sense that the Mariners were at a very unfair disadvantage but they still battled through and the Athletics are in trouble too.
Mariners in 5 or less than 6 hours against the Yomiuri Giants with Japanese man Hitsashi Iwakuma scheduled to pitch against his home country.
Ichiro bats his guts out but the Most Hated Rivals from Oakland defeat him
Much like Mike Carp yesterday Ichiro showed up to a play a team full of cheating cheaters all by himself and since baseball is a team game and its really hard to beat a team all by yourself Ichiro also lost but he played really good and valiantly and triple hitted the Most Hated Rivals from Oakland with one of those hit balls being a half homer and Ichiro has settled very nicely into his new 3rd spot in the order and is on track for the second MVP season of his career.
Hishasi Iwakuma looks like he might not want a free plane ride home next week but he didnt pitch balls horriblelike just not like the acing that Mariners fans have come to expect from all the Mariners Aces but his trouble probably came a lot from the Athletics not liking him and being spiteful because Hisashi wouldnt play for them last year and now they really dont like him and cheated extra hard to make him look bad as revenge and also because they dont want him to play against them in Japan.